I have a full time job. I work Monday thru Friday from 9am-3pm. It is easy. The hours are good and the company is highly sought at by many. It has nice benifits and pay. My boss is cool and so are the people I work with.
Despite all those things I don't really like it. It is not my calling. It doesn't fullfill me. It does not satisfy me. I've spent a long time wondering and praying what is it that I am suppose to be. I am constantly praying, "Lord what is your will for me?" "What profession should I pursue? I don't feel that my true talents lay in being a mom, so that's off the list. I have a wonderful husband, but I don't think my calling is a homemaker. God knows how much I stuggle with keeping the house clean and organized. Rather than helping my husband, I feel I often make more work for my husband. Just a few weeks ago I sent him and the kids to our friend's child's 1st birthday. I had the present ready and sent me husband on his way, feeling proud of myself for being so organized. My husband called me 20 minutes later. He made it on time all right. He was a week early!
Especially after quitting Jazzercise (it's been 4 months now)I have been wondering what is my thing. Sometimes I am jelous of those people who always new what they wanted to be when they grow up. I never knew. I new knew what career I wanted, or if I wanted to marry or even if i wanted kids. I am very glad I got marry and had kids, but I never was like 100% yes I know for sure that was my life calling.
I spend a lot of time praying for family, neighbors and even strangers. I put a lot of worry and energy into them; I encourage them, invite them to church, worry how my actions effect their faith and so on.
Then I thought (God put in my heart), What if your mission field is your home? What if your husband and children are the ones who you need to encourage, evangalize, pray for, and set a christian example for? What if all that energy went toward them?
I still am not sure if this means being a stay at home mom. The money I bring in really encourages my husband. Also he says I am more productive working. So if it's good for our marriage, that's important.
Then the most amazing thing happened, God answered me and told me that his will for me is to be joyful, thankful and to pray. I saw it one day as I was reading the bible. Thessalonians chaper 5 verses 16 through 18 say, "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." The coolest thing is that God's answer had been there in the pages of the bible all this time and I never knew it. I bet there are even more answers there. The Bible is so alive with God's word's. I love it! Clear as day and right there under my nose the entire time!
2 comments:
Marcella, this is great! It is so neat to see the Lord revealing himself to you.
Let me encourage you NOT to give up on yourself as a mother and a homemaker. The Lord often calls us to things that are way outside our gifts. He tells us in The Bible that His strength is made perfect in our weakness. So, where we are weak, He wants to come in and make us strong. Look at Moses, didn't possess any qualities that a "good leader" should possess Yet, the Lord enabled him to stand up to Pharoah, lead the Israelites out of Egypt AND lead them through the wilderness for many, many years. In Moses' weakness, God made him strong. In your weakness,is where God wants to work. He is glorified in this process. I was backwards shy growing up. Meeting new people still makes me tongue tied. I am not very good at initiating conversations with people in public settings either. None of these things help me in my role as pastor's wife. But, I still put myself out there as a greeter, I still make myself walk up to people I barely know at church and start a conversation. God gets the credit for all of that. In my weakness, He is strong, He works in me to give me what I need in order to fulfill my role. He is waiting to do the same for you and anyone else too.
:)
I daydream about being a mother and homemaker (aka working less outside the home)but I am also scared to death to be home full time. Fear. Oh, but how often does the Lord tell me not to be afraid?
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