My purse is a mess

30 minutes late to the appointment. They can squeeze me in at 11 or I can reschedule. I choose 11:00. It means I will wait 1 hour. Later for work. time that will need to be made up. time away from my family. It was difficult to get here and I would probably be late the next time anyway or have similar problems parking. Finding my way in Downtown louisville is complex to me. Finding my way from the garage parking lot to the hospital is scary and overwhelming. I understand why some people choose not to leave heir house. I understand now why some people don't want to travel outside the country. I think I might even understand why some people don't want to learn to drive.

I was very proud of my self for not yelling or coming unglued with my children this morning. We were late of course. I didn't get out of bed when my alarm rang. Lord give me the strength to get up when my alarm rings so that I can get my kids to school on time. so that I can get to work on time OR in this case I can make my doctors appointment.
Even though I was late to this appointment I didn't begin the mental beating of myself. I gave myself grace. I was kind to myself. I didn't get upset. until I got to the registration desk. I could see the doctor 10 feet away. Sitting. What doctors sits at work? A doctor who's patient is late. I fumble through my purse looking for my Insurance card can't find because my purse is a mess. I feel like the clumsy girl in a ballet class full of graceful students. Everyone is together except me. the doctor's assistant stands over the receptionist and looks at her computer. Politely he states the obvious. I fumble through my purse this time looking for my parking ticket. if she stamps it now, then that is one thing i have accomplished. one thing i didn't forget. One thing i didn't mess up but my purse is a mess. The assistant says the doctor cant see me now. He has a procedure. That is when the tears come. The sweet receptionist tells me to take a deep breath. Kindness of strangers. She lives in jtown too. She just began working here and it's been an adjustment. I accept her kindness and went to the waiting room.

In the waiting room I release the break I had on my tears. As they come I remind myself the God sees me as worthy. That this world values order and punctuality but that God sees beautiful things in me. He does not condemn me for my tardiness. In fact punctuality is not listed as a fruit of the spirit. But The Lord is working. I am here on this earth to learn. It not horrible. It's not so bad because I am learning and growing and my purse is a mess but I have not arrived yet and that's ok because it take an avocado tree 7 years before it bears fruit. I am like an avocado tree.

Jesus said a good tree can't hear bad fruit. Thank you Jesus. And Lord help me to remember to water a fertilize my tree. Amen!