Guilt

How can you not love that face? I do love that face, more than anything. That's why I feel so bad when i am anything but a perfect mommy to him. I feel bad for not reading him a 3rd bedtime story when he asks for another one as I am putting him to bed. I feel guilty for working full time and being away from him. I feel bad when I getting irritated with him and it shows in my voice, or voice my scream. I feel guilty for cleaning and cooking instead of playing with him. I am sad when he asks me to play puzzle with him, but I am in the middle of dinner.

Disney World with a 2 year old

Well I believe I might have said last year that I would not travel again until Gabe was 5 years old. I forgot, but now that we are on vacation I remember again. I feel sad for him that I am writing this, it makes him sound like a bad boy, but he is not. He is a very good boy, sweet boy and smart boy. It's just he's 2, so it's a little more work.

Well we are having a good time in Disney World. I was really worried that I would get stressed or something which would spiral in to grumpy or a down right breakdown.

Breakdown happened on day #2. Reasons: Mommy went to bed at 2am, it was the day before mommy started her period, daughter gave mommy attitude, mommy was tired of potty breaks every hour, and the straw that broke the camels back; Gabe wanted his pants all the way off when sitting on the toilet to go potty and mommy really didn't feel like taking them all the off and then back on again for the 5th time that day. So I yelled and said forget it, had a total meldown basically and went to my husband ready to hand over my darlings. Ignacio took over. I had a moment. And the best part was Ignacio prayed for me in a little huddle with the kids right there in the park. THAT was really wonderful!

So I went back to the hotel early that day, got my sleep and had a MUCH better day today. Yeah for sleep!

Gabe is usually the first one up and he always comes to my side of the bed and waits/asks for me to pull him up, which I do. He will lay next to me and I put my arm around him and we dose off. Luna comes later, usually Ignacio is already up so she climbs up on the other side of me, I put my arm around her and she cuddles up to me. So there I lay on my bed, half asleep with a child laying on either side of me, cuddled up against me. It feels wonderful and I think "how wonderful it is to be a mommy"

Fall is in the air

Fall is always bittersweet for me. Bitter because it means summer is over and the winter is coming but sweet because the trees are beautiful and the weather is nice. It is a pretty season, but I am always sad to see the summer go.

Our Fall began with an annual church camping trip. Encounter church has brought me so much joy. I love this kind, loving and supportive community.

Here is my cute Gabriel. I began working full time (30 hours) in September and I miss him so much! I miss my Luna too, but she has to go to school, so even if I wanted to be with her more during the day I couldn't because she is at school from 9-3:45. Oh how I want more time with them! I was looking forward to a nice weekend of just being with them and not rushing to finish eating, get dressed, get in car, go, go, go.

Well I was so happy that I didn't have to rush the children around and make them stop playing so we can go to school, daycare, jazzercise or soccer practice. They got to play what they wanted without interruption, the downside was Ignacio and I were so busy cleaning the house and making meals for the week that we spent very little time playing with them.

On Saturday night, I was like, "what is the point of working like dogs during the week and then there is not even time on the weekend to enjoy family?". Ignacio said that was why he was so interested in moving to Latin America. There, the middle class families can afford to have maids and cooks without breaking the bank.

I love other countries, but I love my family, friends and church too. If we move, it will be fine and I will try like Paul says to be content whatever my circumstances are;

"Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." Philippians 4 11-13

I am so content right now with our church that I don't want to move. Why mess up a good thing, right? I worry that I will not feel encouraged without the loving support of Encounter. I believe in community and God even speaks of it's importance. Then on the other hand I know that God's word provides plenty and the bible cna be taken anywhere, then I read those words I feel couragous and think, WOW! how cool to be able to do that. Maybe I can do it! But wait, I can't do it on my own. Thank God because a second after feeling couragous I began to get a little overwhelmed already.

So Fall is here and although I feel I am saying goodbye to a lively party (the summer) and entering a empty house (the winter) I can be content in whatever situation, if I lean on the Lord.

I Wany Candy!

 My Gigi's (great grandma) favorite candy was gum drops. I remember that my Grandma would always bring some when we went to visit her in her apartment and then later when she was in the nursing home.

My Uncle Steve's favorite candy was swedish fish. I remember he always bought some when we went to visit him.

My Dad likes licorice.

I like lemon heads. But my favorite is Air Heads.
Luna's favorite (today) is sour gummy worms.

What is your all time favorite candy?

10 of my Goals this month

Personal Goals

1. Exercise Monday and Wed mornings
2. Get coffee or a drink with a girlfried

Marriage Goals

3. Go salsa dancing

Mothering Goals

4. Begin bedtime early and take time to read 2 stories to children with enthusiasm

Home management goals

5. Hang paintings in bathroom
6. Hang art piece above stairs
7. Paint kickboards and door frames
8. Paint front door
9. Get carpets cleaned
10. Cut and weed wack grass
11. Mulch side yard and garden beds (next month)

A prayer Jounal?

A great blog I read mentioned writting down her prayers in a email.. See her blog below.

I can teach my child!: A Lesson Learned: E-mailing God: "I recently started e-mailing God. Before you get the whole e-mail scene with Jim Carrey in Bruce Almighty in your mind...just hear me out. ..."

Let's see how this would work out for me.
Dear God,
Heal Myriam off her cancer. Give her peace.
Have mercy on my grandmother's soul
Help me to have more energy to get the house work done and play with my children and excersice, prepare great Jazzercise classes and practice my sets.
I pray for contentment in my life as a mom and wife.
Help me to honor you with my finances and pay off my debt and build wealth so I can give me.
I pray for wisdom and revelation to know you better.
Help me to trust in you, worry less, but also make good choices.
I pray also that my friends who are going through deaths and the family or marriage problems and divorce feel comforted by your love.
Thank you for my hard working husband, his job and that he is a great father. Thank you for my 3 awesome sisters, great dad, beautiful children, good health, great church community.
Thank you for my job, Jazzercise, my nieces and inlaws, good childcare and most of all your son and your love.
Amen

What would your list look like? Would it even have an end?